So it appears getting anywhere with the public health system is nearly impossible.
Everyone should know how hard it is to even admit you have a mental illness, let alone know when to get help when it’s needed.
It’s very easy with bipolar to think your fine, better than fine, fantastic even. Better than ever, when you are manic. So you only see doctors when your depressed. This is how I only have a diagnosis of major depression with suicidal tendencies and generalised anxiety disorder.
I sent a text to the psychologist that I had been seeing a bit last year, who is quite aware (well if she looked through her notes) of how suicidal I am.
* I’ve taken out names simply because I’m unsure if I’m legally allowed. *
My name is Alana (my last name). I don’t know if you remember me, I was seeing you a bit last year. I’m in a really bad way, am I able to get an appointment with you? I was told if I can’t get an appt. with you quickly, I should call the CAT team. Thank you, Alana
CATT – the crisis assessment and treatment team
If you are having a mental emergency in Australia, the CATT team is who you should contact. I need to get the courage and do this myself.
How to contact the CAT team
Just getting the courage to send a text admitting you need help is hard. This is the reply I received.
I’m sorry but we don’t have any appointments till the week of the 10th of December, I can put you on our waitlist if any cancellations come up if you like?
Thank you, ———-.
*Just so your aware the 10th of December was 3 weeks away*
I was not considered an emergency. She didn’t care. I felt crushed. No one cares if I live or die.
I then receive this message:
To see ———- on Mental Health Care Plan, you will need one from your Gp. The very last plan from First ——– Medical had declined with Medicare due to a First ——— issue. Once you have obtained a new MHCP we can re-book you in to see ——. Please do not hesitate to call me if need on ———–.
So it all comes down to payment. No one cares about another’s life unless they are being paid to care. It’s truely tragic when you constantly see all these suicide prevention issues on the news, it is a MASSIVE ISSUE.
I make a doctors appointment, the earliest bulk billing appointment I can get is the 14th of January, 2019. How can I possibly last that long?
Everyday is so long and painful. I can get happy mania and sad mania. This is the second sad mania I ever remember having. I get severely depressed but I can’t sleep. I think constantly about suicide. My brain won’t shut off. I am continuously planning my own death and finalising things around the house before I go.
The scariest part of feeling like this is the anger and frustration I feel. I’m not an angry person normally. Mostly I’m calm, I prefer to not deal with drama of any kind and just keep to myself.
I’m not a mean person, I don’t wish harm on anyone. So all this anger turns onto me. I deserve this treatment, if I was normal this wouldn’t happen. I deserve to die painfully for all the wrongs I have ever made.
This message came back from the doctors:
You are currently scheduled to have a Dr appointment at First —- Medical Centre on Monday 7th January at 4.00pm
Due to our Doctor having to service a Nursing Home in the district unexpectedly we have had to reschedule your appointment for Wednesday 16 January at 3.45pm
If this time does not suit please call the clinic on ———— to reschedule
We apologise for the inconvenience
First ——— Medical Centre ***
Now this is confusing, my appointment was never on the 7th of January? Okay so I just decide to go on the 16th anyway.
Then yesterday I received this message:
Your appointment at First ——– Medical Center on the 14th of January 2019 has unfortunately needed to be cancelled due to the general practitioner you where booked in to see has had a sudden death in his family. We will contact you once confirmation is received for your new appointment time.
If you are unable to wait for our next available appointment, please call ——- Medical, ——- Medical or —— Medical to be seen.
We appoligise for this inconvenience
First ——- Medical
Now I fully understand having a death in the family is a hugely tragic event. Trust me, my father is on life support after attempting suicide and my mother has a brain tumour and only has months to live (several whole other stories there) which is partly what’s tearing me through this horrible mania.
I am left with traveling over an hour away or pay for a private doctor. We just got past Christmas, my daughters 10th birthday and about to get the kids back to school. I can’t afford to do either.
I can sometimes hold a job. I only just quit my last job weeks before Christmas, when my family needed money the most. That job only lasted 8 months. Sometimes I just crack and feel like I just can’t live through another minute doing it. Anyway yet again that’s another post, for another day.
Still, this is what I’m left dealing with. No idea when I can get help. Being nearly positive I’m not going to make it……
*my next step will hopefully be in Pt. 3, as long as I’m still around. For my kids sake, I hope so 🤞
If any true and caring psychiatrist’s in Queensland would like to treat me for free, I’m sure I’d make an interesting subject for multiple diagnoses.