Tag: self harm

Trigger Warning ⚠️

This song means so much to me. I know I’m not young anymore, but I never thought I would get as far as I have or manage to last this long.

If I Die Young

The Band Perry

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
Uh oh uh oh

Lord make me a rainbow, I’ll shine down on my mother
She’ll know I’m safe with you when
She stands under my colours, oh and
Life ain’t always what you think it oughta be, no
Ain’t even grey, but she buries her baby
The sharp knife of a short life,
Well, I’ve had just enough time

If I die young bury me in satin.
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life,
Well I’ve had just enough time

And I’ll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom
I’m as green as the ring on my little cold finger
I’ve never known the lovin’ of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand
There’s a boy here in town says he’ll love me forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by

The sharp knife of a short life,
Well I’ve had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I’ll wear my pearls
What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts, oh no I’ll sell them for a dollar
They’re worth so much more after I’m a goner
And maybe then you’ll hear the words I been singin’
Funny when you’re dead how people start listenin’

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
Uh oh (uh oh)

The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep ’em in your pocket
Save ’em for a time when your really gonna need ’em oh

The sharp knife of a short life,
Well I’ve had just enough time
So put on your best boys, and I’ll wear my pearls

Songwriters: Kimberly Perry

If I Die Young lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC.

You can view the video clip Here.

This song means so much to me. This is what I feel about this song.

She loves her mother. Wants her to know she will be okay.

She knows everyone would come together for a beautiful funeral, even though no one came forward to truely help her before it got to that point.

She feels she’s had long enough in this life, she’s content to go.

The sharp knife of a short life? Well I think this is self explanatory. All it takes is a sharp knife to end all the pain.

“Gather up your tears, save them for a time when you’ll need them.”

This has two meanings for me.

Been screaming for help. No one cares, why cry after it’s been done?

I’m happier now. For someone suicidal, they need the pain to stop. Don’t cry, I’m good now. Finally.

Now my most important verse. Even if you do not agree with any other part of my post, this is something everyone should listen too.

To me, she is stating that no one listens. Please take the time to listen to anyone who needs to talk.

Everyone is sad after there is a suicide but how many can say they tried to help before that?

“LISTEN BEFORE ITS TOO LATE!”

What are your thoughts and feelings about this song? Please share.

Cheers,

Alana

WARNING: Graphic & Triggering Content.

Self-injury or self-harm is widely criticised. “Normal” people don’t understand how we could possibly want to intentionally hurt or injure ourselves. It’s against human nature of survival and self- preservation, so it’s not well understood.

For a better grasp on self-injury awareness look Here

For me, self harm didn’t really pop up until I was older, or so I thought until recently.

I didn’t realise that what I had been doing since the age of 12, was considered self harm.

I didn’t realise that not wearing a seat belt in a car, not checking the road before you cross and not seeking medical care when your hurt are all forms of self injury. I have done these my whole life.

I have for most of my life, picked, dug and destroyed my arms. This moved onto my legs, to give my arms time to heal. I feel ashamed and ugly after I’ve had a session of “picking”, as we call it.

This pic is of my calf. After not touching my legs for a couple of days. It’s starting to heal. It has been much worse, during bad times.

The feeling I get from doing it at the time, is so relieving, it’s hard to stop. I can be there for hours, destroying myself, just to ease some pain.

When your feeling physical pain, it stops your mind from hurting, stops the thoughts. It gives mild relief, while I’m doing it.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Excoriation_disorder

This pic shows scars on my upper thigh from “picking”, also the now healing word “Hated”.

I used to attempt suicide, almost regularly. Since realising how damaging this was to my family, I’ve moved to cutting. Although I call it carving, because it’s words not straight cuts. I have scarred words over most of my hidden body. Alone, poison, hated, lost, useless and evil, too name a few.

My GP asked do I self harm? I said yes and showed her. She told me this wasn’t considered self harm because I didn’t cut to stop feeling emptiness. I cut to punish and to stop distressing thoughts and ease emotional pain. I punish, so I don’t kill myself.

I feel my GP is a little ignorant to mental health issues. Being the only free doctor in town, I don’t have choices to go elsewhere.

I love the times I feel emptiness, it doesn’t happen often or last long but I get relief when it’s there. Bored relief but that’s still so much better than pain.

So for me self harm is a survival method for now and I can’t wait for the day that I no longer feel the need to do this. I know my day will come, eventually.

I believe self harm is a coping mechanism for people too nice to take their problems out on others.

My dad was a violent, angry man. Who took all his mental pain out on those around him. I feel I’m the only person who deserves that, not my family, not the people I love.

Just remember their is hope. With help you can learn different, less harmful coping mechanisms.

Thank you so much for reading. If I can help one person with my post, I’ll be happy.

Cheers,

Alana